{"id":8795,"date":"2021-07-23T08:45:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-23T06:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/?p=8795"},"modified":"2025-11-24T14:38:44","modified_gmt":"2025-11-24T12:38:44","slug":"self-regulation-anxious-attachment-triggers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/self-regulation-anxious-attachment-triggers\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Soothing Strategies for Coping With Anxious Attachment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Many people wonder <strong>how to \u201cfix\u201d an anxious attachment style<\/strong>. Whereas there is no simple response to this question, there is one way to deal with anxious attachment that helps someone with this style move forward in relationships in more balanced and healthy ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Understanding <strong>how to self-soothe anxious attachment<\/strong> is an essential skill for healing this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/four-attachment-styles\/\">attachment style<\/a>. Self-soothing emotions is part of a process called \u201cself-regulation\u201d and it\u2019s considered to be an important milestone on the pathway to a more secure attachment style. However, due to inconsistent early experiences, individuals with an anxious attachment style may find self-soothing and self-regulation difficult to get used to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Self-soothing for healing the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-attachment\/\">anxious attachment style<\/a> involves having an awareness of our triggers and emotional responses. For this reason, in this article, we will discuss these triggers and unhealthy responses, as well as provide tips on how to healthily self-soothe anxious attachment emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To do so, we cover the following topics:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul style=\"background-color:#ececec\" class=\"wp-block-list has-background\">\n<li><strong>What self-regulation and self-soothing are<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>How someone with a secure attachment responds to emotional triggers<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>How anxious attachment develops in childhood<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Why anxiously attached children struggle to regulate their emotions in a healthy way<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>How (and why) an adult with an anxious attachment style responds to situations that trigger them<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>The common relationship triggers for someone with an anxious attachment style<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>How to self-soothe in a healthy way when you have an anxious attachment style<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Healing the Anxious Attachment Style Through Self-Soothing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Emotions can be like a compass guiding us in the right direction and toward the right choices in life. But on other occasions, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/intense-emotions-introduction\/\">emotions can become so entirely overpowering<\/a> that we end up responding in unhealthy ways. What many people don\u2019t realize is that our attachment style plays a significant role in how we regulate or self-soothe our emotions: The anxious attachment style can cause hypersensitivity and emotional outbursts when someone perceives their relationships to be threatened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, the good news is that it\u2019s possible to learn how to self-soothe anxious attachment emotions when triggered, and through this process, work towards healing the anxious attachment style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Is Self-Regulation or Self-Soothing of the Anxious Attachment Style?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Self-soothing the anxious attachment style is the ability to manage emotions and subsequent actions in response to situations that trigger upset or distress. The ability to healthily self-soothe is essential for successfully maintaining healthy relationships, problem-solving during conflict, and establishing a stable sense of self-confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The basics of self-soothing the anxious attachment style \u2013 like many other developmental skills \u2013 is formed in an attuned relationship with caregivers during early childhood. In a healthy dynamic, the caregiver(s) and child are attentive to each other&#8217;s cues and responses and engage in sensitive reactions. This \u201cco-regulation\u201d helps the child to work towards finding ways to resolve their upset or distress and return to a balanced state. With both time and practice, the child is eventually able to shift from co-regulation of emotions to being able to self-soothe their emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The attachment style we form in our early years influences this process of self-regulation and self-soothing of emotions. Therefore, it\u2019s important to understand how dysregulation of emotions affects how we cope with the anxious attachment style in day-to-day life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to Move From Anxious to Secure Attachment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Having a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/secure-attachment\/\">secure attachment<\/a> doesn\u2019t mean that someone is always in total control of their emotions, but, typically, securely attached people are able to self-soothe and regulate their emotions in healthy ways. Key factors of the secure process involve being empathetic to other peoples\u2019 emotions and setting appropriate boundaries, which securely attached people are usually skilled at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These abilities make securely attached people more likely to feel emotionally secure and satisfied in their intimate relationships; they\u2019re comfortable being in a couple, but also secure enough to be by themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color\"><strong>Six ways a securely attached person might respond to emotion-provoking situations<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Securely attached people typically respond to situations that trigger emotional responses by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol style=\"background-color:#badadd\" class=\"wp-block-list has-background\">\n<li>Being aware of how their emotions and thoughts influence each other<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Talking to their loved ones about what they\u2019re feeling<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Removing themselves from emotional situations if they feel like it\u2019s becoming uncontrollable<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Writing down what they think and feel<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Trying meditation or therapy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Exercising to relieve stress and increase endorphins<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>However, the way someone self soothes an anxious attachment style might look quite different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bear in mind that attachment styles are often incorrectly seen as rigid. Even though they do have stable traits, it doesn\u2019t mean that you will automatically fill every criterion because you have this attachment style: Some elements might apply to you, but others may not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-style-quiz\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"193\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-1024x193.png\" alt=\"attachment-quiz\" class=\"wp-image-9602\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-1024x193.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-300x57.png 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-768x145.png 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-1536x289.png 1536w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-2048x386.png 2048w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-2000x377.png 2000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-1500x283.png 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-1000x188.png 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-800x151.png 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-750x141.png 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-617x116.png 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-600x113.png 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-150x28.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-500x94.png 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-400x75.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-247x47.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-110x21.png 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color\" style=\"color:#e86c46\"><strong>How does anxious attachment form in childhood?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The anxious attachment style typically develops in an environment where caregivers inconsistently meet their childrens\u2019 needs, or don\u2019t meet their needs in the way these children require. There\u2019s a variety of possible reasons for this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, maybe the caregiver misreads the child\u2019s signals or is unsure about the best way to cater to their needs. In situations such as this, the caregiver may switch between being affectionate and reassuring at times, to letting the child self-soothe on other occasions. Such a parenting style may lead a child to become confused about what to expect from their caregiver: Are they going to respond when they need them? Or are they going to punish or ignore them for acting out?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a result of such responses from their caregiver, the child starts to feel anxious and distressed. They may end up self-soothing the anxious attachment style in unhealthy ways by throwing temper tantrums, becoming impossible to console, and acting very needy. The child feels comforted being close to their caregiver, so acting in such ways makes it more likely that their caregiver will pay attention to them and their negative feelings will temporarily be alleviated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Unhealthy self-soothing anxious attachment strategies include:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul style=\"background-color:#ffe7cf\" class=\"wp-block-list has-background\">\n<li>Constantly thinking about a relationship<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Focusing on potential threats to a relationship (whether these threats are real or perceived)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Trying to be as emotionally and physically close to a partner as possible (such as by texting or phoning very frequently)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Self-sacrificing personal needs for those of a loved one, causing a build-up of resentment<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Using blame or guilt during an argument to get what\u2019s wanted<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Acting jealous towards other people in a partner\u2019s life<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Becoming angry, even if this anger is sometimes directed inwards<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1922\" height=\"2560\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"anxious attachment style - self regulation\" class=\"wp-image-8960\" style=\"width:239px;height:311px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-scaled.jpeg 1922w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-225x300.jpeg 225w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-769x1024.jpeg 769w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-768x1023.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-1153x1536.jpeg 1153w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-1538x2048.jpeg 1538w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-1502x2000.jpeg 1502w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-1500x1998.jpeg 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-1126x1500.jpeg 1126w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-751x1000.jpeg 751w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-800x1066.jpeg 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-563x750.jpeg 563w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-617x822.jpeg 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-600x799.jpeg 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-150x200.jpeg 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-1000x1332.jpeg 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-375x500.jpeg 375w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-400x533.jpeg 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-247x329.jpeg 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-83x110.jpeg 83w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-300x400.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-rodnae-productions-6669811-edited-1-113x150.jpeg 113w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1922px) 100vw, 1922px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Anxiously attached adults were taught as children to expect that the important people in their lives will abandon or reject them. So, they act hypervigilant towards any threats to their relationships \u2013 regardless of whether these threats are real or perceived. When triggered, someone may attempt to self soothe the anxious attachment style by engaging in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/love\/protest-behavior-and-attachment\/\">protest behaviors<\/a> like emotional outbursts, acting clingy\/needy, or becoming intensely angry towards their partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Alternatively, an anxious attachment style may also cause someone to hold their emotions in and direct them towards themselves. They often feel unworthy of love and affection, so they sacrifice their needs in a relationship to ensure the happiness and commitment of their partner. Self-sacrificing needs can result in resentment, self-criticism, and potentially mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Self-blame and protest behaviors are highly damaging to a relationship. Therefore, learning how to cope with and self-soothe anxious attachment emotions is essential for establishing and maintaining healthy adult relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Self-Soothing Strategies for Anxious Attachment<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Fortunately, with time, effort, and practice, it\u2019s possible to gain control over your emotions if you have the anxious attachment style. Whereas there may be no quick \u201cfix\u201d for an anxious attachment style, you can still learn how to self-regulate through techniques such as self-awareness, mindfulness, challenging your self-beliefs, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/negative-feelings\/\">managing anger<\/a> in constructive ways.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember: Successfully self soothing the anxious attachment style means that you manage your responses to triggering situations with consideration to what you want in the long run. Basically,<strong> it means thinking about what you desire out of the situation before you act.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To do so, you may need to understand the typical relationship triggers for the anxious attachment style \u2013 as well as how you usually respond to these triggers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color\"><strong>Typical emotional triggers in a relationship for someone with an anxious attachment style<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>A partner acting in one of the following ways may trigger an unhealthy emotional response for someone with an anxious attachment style:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul style=\"background-color:#ffe7cf\" class=\"wp-block-list has-background\">\n<li>Inconsistent behavior (acting attentive and then withdrawn)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Seeming distant or distracted<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Forgetting important events, such as a birthday or anniversary<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Coming home late without notification<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Failing to message back when anticipated<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Not commenting on, or failing to notice, something new (e.g. a new haircut or perfume)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>A partner acting in the ways mentioned could cause anyone \u2013 regardless of attachment style \u2013 to become upset. However, the difference is how someone with a secure style responds in comparison to how someone with an anxious attachment style does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may become overly emotional in their attempts to re-establish a connection with their partner. Such dysregulation of emotions could look like creating an argument or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/love\/clingy-relationship\/\">becoming clingy<\/a> and needy in a bid to get their partner\u2019s attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color\"><strong>Healthy Emotional Self-Soothing in Anxious Attachment<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Based on the information discussed so far, it\u2019s clear how people may unhealthily self soothe the anxious attachment style. But what does it look like when someone heals their anxious attachment style responses? Well, healthy self-soothing for the anxious attachment style typically results in one of the following responses to triggers:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul style=\"background-color:#ffe7cf\" class=\"wp-block-list has-background\">\n<li>Acknowledging that the anxious attachment system is triggered, and why<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Actively choosing to respond calmly instead of reacting emotionally&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Using self-soothing strategies to calm down when overly stimulated<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Communicating openly to a partner about feelings<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Managing frustration if a partner\u2019s plans change<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Engaging in conflict resolution strategies without becoming aggressive or overly angry<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Four Tips on How to Self-Soothe the Anxious Attachment Style<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re wondering how to heal the anxious attachment style, the following strategies for healthily self-soothing the anxious attachment style can help you in this process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. <strong>Recognize the role of your anxious attachment style<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Your anxious attachment style plays a large role in how you respond to situations that upset you. Self-awareness includes educating yourself on your triggers and how your system is primed to react to these triggers in certain ways. Once you recognize these triggers and reactions you can self-soothe the anxious attachment style by actively noticing when your emotions are escalating and choosing to respond in more healthy, balanced ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Model your responses on someone securely attached<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As children, people with an anxious attachment were modeled unhealthy ways to self-soothe their emotions. However, as adults, it\u2019s possible to model behaviors on someone more balanced and secure in their outlook. Choosing someone with a positive attitude and healthy self-regulation, and analyzing their reactions to typically emotionally triggering situations allows us to visualize ourselves reacting to similar situations in similar ways. Doing so strengthens the neural pathways in our brains that promote acting this way in future situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, a securely attached person might be the ideal match for someone with an anxious attachment style. Someone with a secure attachment style is typically able to understand their partner\u2019s needs and, therefore, can help to regulate an anxious partner\u2019s emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Openly communicate when triggered<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Communicating distress or upset is a constructive way of self-soothing the anxious attachment style, as doing so helps a relationship strengthen and grow instead of weakening the bond. For example, instead of holding anger in and directing it towards yourself, or allowing it to explode at your partner, recognize that you\u2019re starting to feel angry and clearly communicate it to your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The following are examples of things someone with an anxious attachment style could say to their partner when they feel triggered or upset:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-background\" style=\"background-color:#badadd\"><strong><em><em>\u201cI\u2019m upset, and here\u2019s why ___________. You might struggle to understand, but for some reason, it really bothers me.\u201d<\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-background\" style=\"background-color:#badadd\"><strong><em>\u201cI feel hurt. I know that you probably didn\u2019t intend that, but I\u2019m worried about our relationship because of ___________.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-background\" style=\"background-color:#badadd\"><strong><em><em>\u201cWould you mind staying in more frequent contact with me so that this doesn\u2019t happen again?\u201d<\/em><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s useful to be aware that whereas these scripts would likely be effective with a securely attached partner, someone high on attachment avoidance might find them triggering because they fear intimacy and emotional closeness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. <strong>Practice mindfulness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"681\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-1024x681.jpg\" alt=\"Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post\" class=\"wp-image-8199\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-1024x681.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-768x511.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-1536x1022.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-1500x998.jpg 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-1000x665.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-800x532.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-750x499.jpg 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-617x410.jpg 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-600x399.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-150x100.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-500x333.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-247x164.jpg 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post-110x73.jpg 110w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Mindfulness-Image-Heartbroken-Blog-Post.jpg 1700w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Healthily soothing the anxious attachment style involves taking a breather between a feeling and an action. There are a few techniques that help you focus more on what\u2019s going on inside your mind and body instead of on a trigger and its accompanying thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness is one of the most accessible of these techniques.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of where we are and what we\u2019re doing in the here and now. With practice, it allows us to feel calmer and more relaxed instead of becoming aggressive, downbeat, clingy, or needy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The \u201cFive Ws\u201d is an easy way to start mindfully engaging in the here and now. Simply think of five things you can see; four things you can touch; three things you can hear; two things you can smell; and one thing you can taste. Bringing your attention to such external processes allows you to remove yourself from any unpleasant emotions or thoughts. After you have done so, notice any sense of relief from what you felt before you engaged in the exercise. Try to remember how this feels the next time you feel overwhelmed by your emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. <strong>Change your thought patterns<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Also known as cognitive reframing, this technique helps you self-soothe the anxious attachment style by challenging and changing how you think. You could do this by anticipating your typical negative thoughts and emotions in response to triggers and writing them down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Next, try to challenge these thoughts by examining evidence to the contrary. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style might think, If I let my partner know how I really feel, then they\u2019ll leave me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Think back to a time when you did let your partner know how you felt. Did they leave? Probably not, right? So, once you realize this, you can make a healthier replacement thought for your negative one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This replacement thought might sound like, I let them see what I felt in the past and they\u2019re still here. Challenging our thoughts and beliefs can help self-soothe the anxious attachment style by focusing on the reality of your relationship instead of immediately catastrophizing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>6. Try therapy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Therapy is a great way for you to figure out your unhealthy ways of self soothing the anxious attachment style, as well as why you\u2019re taking these actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Together with a therapist, you can work through your attachment triggers and brainstorm some healthy ways of healing your anxious attachment style, self-soothing your emotions, and repairing your relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Alternatively, if you prefer to go down the self-directed route of a workbook, our updated anxious attachment style digital workbook is a great option.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-cover alignfull is-light\" style=\"min-height:474px;aspect-ratio:unset;\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-cover__background has-background-dim-100 has-background-dim\" style=\"background-color:#ffffff\"><\/span><div class=\"wp-block-cover__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-cover-is-layout-flow\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-media-text alignwide is-stacked-on-mobile is-vertically-aligned-center is-image-fill-element\" style=\"grid-template-columns:56% auto\"><figure class=\"wp-block-media-text__media\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"320\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/20210623_anxious_mockup14.png\" alt=\"Anxious Attachment Workbook\" class=\"wp-image-13677 size-full\" style=\"object-position:50% 50%\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/20210623_anxious_mockup14.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/20210623_anxious_mockup14-300x240.png 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/20210623_anxious_mockup14-150x120.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/20210623_anxious_mockup14-247x198.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/20210623_anxious_mockup14-110x88.png 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure><div class=\"wp-block-media-text__content\">\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color\" style=\"color:#000000;font-size:32px\"><strong>Anxious Attachment Digital Workbook<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color:#000000;font-size:17px\">If you feel anxious in your relationships and often doubt yourself, this book can be the step you need to begin your journey to positive change!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button is-style-fill\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-background wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/anxious-attachment-workbook\/\" style=\"background-color:#ffa52e\">View Workbook<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Our anxious attachment style digital workbook includes:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>204 pages and 28 practical exercises<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How anxious attachment affects you in over 10 different areas of life<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>8 case studies on anxious attachment<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Groundbreaking and up-to-date research on anxious attachment<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Section recaps and areas for reflection<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Understanding how to self regulate our emotions and actions is an essential skill to develop. If you are working towards \u201cearned secure attachment\u201d, think of this as a milestone on that path. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":8953,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-attachment-theory","category-psychology"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Self-Soothe Anxious Attachment Triggers - AP<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learn how to self-soothe your anxious attachment style through understanding your attachment triggers and strategies that help you regulate your emotions.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/self-regulation-anxious-attachment-triggers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Self-Soothe Anxious Attachment Triggers - 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