As adults, people with the disorganized attachment style can be extremely inconsistent in their behaviors and experience difficulties with their self-beliefs and with trusting others. Such issues can potentially lead to mental health issues such as mood disorders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, there is hope\u2013with the proper treatment and information, it is always possible to heal from an insecure attachment<\/a>, even if you have a disorganized attachment style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In this guide, we will cover the most common questions around disorganized attachment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n As soon as a baby is born, the bonding process with their caregivers (usually parents) begins. For the first few years, the child is entirely dependent on their caregivers as they are responsible for the child\u2019s primary physiological needs (food, shelter, safety, and so on), as well as their emotional ones (love, care, support, and so on).<\/p>\n\n\n\n If caregivers are sensitive towards, attuned to, and consistently respond to these needs, a child starts to build the foundations of a secure attachment<\/a>, as their caregiver\u2019s presence equals safety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a result, the child learns indirectly that they can rely on, and thus, trust other people. A secure and stable attachment is formed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, in some cases, a child perceives that their needs are not met and that their caregivers are not emotionally available or responsive when they seek their attention, affection, or support. As a result, the child is unable to form a secure bond and, instead, may develop an insecure attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ve discussed the basics of how attachment styles form, but what are the three types of insecure attachment?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Insecure attachment styles<\/a> typically develop as a response to misattuned parenting and as a form of adaptation.<\/p>\n\n\n For example, if a child perceives the parents as unpredictable or neglecting, the child might become overly clingy and needy. In other words, the child lacks attention and starts working harder to get it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Later on in life, this child (now a teenager or adult) continues to question whether they are good enough, lovable, or worthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Such individuals can develop a low self-esteem and need constant reassurance from their partners. This is known as an anxious attachment style<\/em><\/a>, which is characterized by a strong fear of abandonment<\/a> and rejection sensitivity<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the child perceives that their emotional needs are rejected by the parents, the child stops expecting any response from their parents. Thus, the child learns that they should not express emotions openly or seek support, because they are not going to receive such.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As time goes by, such children (now grown-up) become self-sufficient and independent. Other people will reject their emotions anyway, so why bother trying to express them? This is the \u2018strategy\u2019 behind the avoidant attachment style<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We see that there is a sort of continuity and coherence in each of the two attachment styles described above.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What makes the disorganized \/ fearful-avoidant attachment style<\/a> different is that it implies a lack of coherence in the individual\u2019s social behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most attachment specialists believe that the disorganized attachment style is the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat because it incorporates both the anxious and the avoidant styles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The disorganized attachment style is believed to be a consequence of childhood trauma or abuse. Perceived fear is the central aspect of its development.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The survival of the infant\/child depends on the caregivers. The child knows that subconsciously, so he or she seeks safety in the caregivers. A problem arises when the source of safety becomes a source of fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the caregivers show highly contrasting behavior, which is inconsistent and unpredictable, the child can start fearing his or her own safety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The child does not know what to expect. Nor does the child know when the caregiver will meet their needs, if at all.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Another reason for fear is having or witnessing a traumatizing experience that involves the attachment figure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For instance, the caregiver abuses the child (verbally, physically, or sexually) or the child witnesses the caregiver abuse someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Either way, the child no longer trusts the caregiver. The child realizes that they cannot rely on caregivers to meet their physical or emotional needs. The caregivers, who should be acting as a source of safety, are not only unreliable, but they are also causing fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children with a disorganized attachment style are not able to truly adapt to the caregivers\u2019 behavior, as they never know what comes next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Such children lack coherence in their own behavior towards the caregivers: they might seek closeness, but at the same time, reject the caregivers\u2019 proximity and distance themselves, due to fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adults with a fearful-avoidant or a disorganized attachment style in relationships<\/a> lack of a coherent approach. On the one hand, they want to belong. They want to love and be loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While on the other hand, they are afraid to let anyone in. They have a strong fear that the people who are closest to them will hurt them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adults with a disorganized attachment style fear intimacy<\/a> and avoid proximity, similar to individuals with an avoidant attachment style<\/a>. The main difference for disorganized adults is that they want<\/em> relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They do not reject emotional intimacy; they are simply afraid of it. Adults with a disorganized attachment style continue to view the attachment figure (once, their caregiver, and now, their partner) as unpredictable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They have trouble believing that their partner will love and support them as they are.<\/strong> These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This mindset can turn into a form of self-sabotage, causing the disorganized adult to end a relationship prematurely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It might also be a type of self-fulfilling prophecy. So, the disorganized adult expects and predicts that they will be rejected by their partner. Even when there are no such signs, he or she starts behaving in a way that leads to fulfilling the expectations (the end of the relationship).<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is also a self-fulfilling prophecy when an individual with a disorganized attachment style chooses partners that induce fear. Thus confirming their perception that they can’t trust other people (emotionally or physically), no matter what.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues, such as substance abuse, delinquent\/aggressive behavior, and abuse on their own children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
How Does Attachment Form in Early Childhood?<\/h3>\n\n\n
![\"Baby](\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/tilt-shift-lens-photo-of-infant-s-hand-holding-index-finger-895515-780x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nThere are three types of insecure attachment:<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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![\"attachment-quiz\"](\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/attachment-quiz-1024x193.png\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\nHow Does the Disorganized or Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style Develop?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"insecure](\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/insecure-attachment-child-separation-anxiety-683x1024.jpeg\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nAnxious Attachment Style<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Avoidant Attachment Style<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Disorganized Attachment Style<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
What causes disorganized attachment in children?<\/h2>\n\n\n
![\"Disorganized](\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/grayscale-photo-of-a-boy-crying-3905731-683x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nWhat do relationships with fearful-avoidant adults look like?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable. <\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Disorganized adults tend to have a negative view of both themselves and others.<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
![\"Disorganized](\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/20210611_disorganized_mockup04-1024x682.jpeg\")
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