{"id":35117,"date":"2023-08-30T12:54:21","date_gmt":"2023-08-30T10:54:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/?page_id=35117"},"modified":"2025-12-31T10:09:20","modified_gmt":"2025-12-31T08:09:20","slug":"engulfment","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/engulfment\/","title":{"rendered":"Engulfment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-900 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Have you ever gotten 6 months into a relationship before realizing you\u2019ve not made as much effort to see your friends as you used to? Or that you\u2019ve stopped doing a hobby you previously loved?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">If this sounds familiar, you could have experienced <strong>engulfment<\/strong>: When you become so immersed in a relationship that you lose interest in other aspects of your life.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Engulfment can happen to any of us, but research suggests some of us may be more at risk than others, depending on our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/four-attachment-styles\/\">attachment style<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">To answer all of your questions on engulfment and attachment theory, this article will cover:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-550 p-3 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#eae2f94d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list mb-0\">\n<li>What engulfment is<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Causes of engulfment<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The link between engulfment and attachment theory<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Signs of engulfment in a relationship&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How to break free from engulfment<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-4 mb-5 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#ffe7cf4d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#333840\">Do you know your attachment style?<br>Take our attachment quiz and find out now &#8211; fast, easy, free.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"row justify-content-center\">\n<a onclick=\"ga('send', 'event', {  'eventCategory': 'Hero Button',  'eventAction': 'Start Quiz'});\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/quiz.attachmentproject.com\/\" class=\"button-2 text-center\" rel=\"noopener\">Start Quiz<\/a>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-3  col-md-4 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full mb-0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"487\" height=\"497\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-35130\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1.png 487w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1-294x300.png 294w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1-150x153.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1-400x408.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1-247x252.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1102-1-1-108x110.png 108w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 487px) 100vw, 487px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group  col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-lg has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">What is Engulfment?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In non-psychological terms, engulfment means to be immersed in something. One way to picture it is to imagine either being underwater or trapped in quicksand\u2013not exactly the most relaxing images. Well, engulfment in relationships has a similar meaning. Engulfment is when we become over-immersed in our relationships, so much so that we rely on the other person to meet our needs. We may also stop engaging in our own interests and hobbies and sometimes take on those of the other person\u2019s instead.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we\u2019re engulfed, it\u2019s common to believe that we would struggle to exist without the other person. We might also feel lost or that we don\u2019t really know ourselves, as engulfment can cause us to temporarily lose a sense of our identity. As a result, engulfment can leave us feeling useless, incompetent, or dependent on the other person. If this goes on for a long time, we may even experience <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/enmeshment\/\">enmeshment<\/a> or engulfment trauma. But more on this later.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Engulfment can be a two-way street: We can be engulfed by someone and simultaneously engulf another. In a relationship where both people are engulfed, this is called enmeshment. An enmeshed relationship lacks healthy boundaries, and both partners\u2019 emotions become intertwined.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row  justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm mw-600 ml-0 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">What Causes Engulfment?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to research, in order to form a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/secure-attachment\/\">secure attachment<\/a>, children must be confident that their caregivers can handle\u2013and will still love them after\u2013 the occasions when they withdraw or show negative feelings.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Secure children can separate from their caregiver without fearing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/abandonment-issues\/\">abandonment<\/a> and return to them without fearing engulfment. However, when their caregiver doesn\u2019t respond to them with perceived unconditional love, or when the caregiver\u2019s anxieties or criticisms make the child less confident in exploring their environment, the child can become engulfed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Negative early experiences such as these can leave the child with a fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and a sense of loneliness and feeling misunderstood\u2013all of which could increase the risk of experiencing engulfment in later relationships.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yet, early experiences aren\u2019t always the cause of engulfment. Engulfment can also happen later in life. One clear example of this is in the case of adult carers; research shows that adult children caring for a parent with illnesses such as Alzheimer\u2019s can lead to engulfment, resulting in less social and leisure time with friends and family and, ultimately, a loss of self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mb-md-3 mb-0\">Evidently, there isn\u2019t just one clear-cut cause of engulfment. However, you may be more at risk of engulfment in your adult life if you experienced difficulties with your relationships as a child. So, this brings us to the potential link between engulfment and attachment theory. How do the two relate?<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-3  col-md-4 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full mb-0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"539\" height=\"531\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-35136\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1.png 539w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1-300x296.png 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1-150x148.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1-500x493.png 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1-400x394.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1-247x243.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1101-1-1-110x108.png 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 539px) 100vw, 539px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-4 col-md-5 col-sm-8 col-10 mb-md-0 mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full mb-0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"551\" height=\"927\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-35146\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1.png 551w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-178x300.png 178w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-446x750.png 446w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-150x252.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-297x500.png 297w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-400x673.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-247x416.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-1-1-65x110.png 65w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 551px) 100vw, 551px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group  col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-lg has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">The Correlation Between Engulfment and Attachment Theory<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Evidence suggests that some people are more likely to experience engulfment than others. Although the research into the exact link between engulfment and attachment theory is limited, it may be possible to better understand the correlation between both by looking at a similar concept we mentioned earlier: enmeshment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">Attachment Anxiety and Engulfment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Research indicates that attachment is linked to family enmeshment. Namely, how children who experienced <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/enmeshment\/family\/\">family enmeshment<\/a> often develop an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-attachment\/\">anxious attachment style<\/a>. Moreover, evidence also suggests that anxiously attached people are more likely to form enmeshed families, creating a cycle of both anxious attachment and enmeshment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Other areas of anxious attachment may also be linked to engulfment. For example, children with an anxious attachment style are typically less likely to explore the world; they tend to stay closer to their caregivers and generally show more fear in their environment. This reluctance to explore may be related to engulfment, as the caregiver may instill fear in their child, preventing them from straying away from the caregiver-child relationship. However, more research is needed to confirm this assumption.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">Attachment Avoidance and Engulfment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Based on the previous information, there is a tenuous link between anxious attachment and engulfment\u2013but what about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/avoidant-attachment-style\/\">avoidant attachment<\/a>? Well, research looking into avoidant attachment and engulfment highlights some different findings: Avoidant attachment is most commonly associated with a fear of engulfment, not engulfment itself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This finding isn\u2019t entirely surprising when we consider the main fears underlying avoidant attachment; a fear of being dependent, intimacy, and feeling trapped in a relationship. Essentially, when we think about it, this is what engulfment is.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When it comes to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/disorganized-attachment\/\">disorganized attachment<\/a>, the feelings towards engulfment tend to be a combination of both anxious and avoidant attachers. On some occasions, a disorganized attacher might fear love and intimacy, causing them to become overwhelmed and try to avoid engulfment. But, on other occasions, they might be driven by an intense fear of abandonment, seeking to engulf their partner to avoid this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hopefully, by this point,you\u2019re clearer on the potential link between your attachment style and engulfment. But how can you know if engulfment is happening in your relationship? One way we can figure this out is by looking for the signs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-900 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 mw-550 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">What Are the Signs of Engulfment in a Relationship?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">The signs of engulfment differ depending on whether you\u2019re being engulfed or engulfing your partner. Let\u2019s take a look at the signs of engulfment in both instances.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Signs That You\u2019re Being Engulfed<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re being engulfed by your partner, it\u2019s common to experience feelings of dependency, vulnerability, and inadequacy. You may feel dependent on your spouse for your happiness, particularly when you\u2019re feeling sad, anxious, or angry.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re anxiously attached, you may also notice yourself suppressing your needs to meet those of your partner\u2019s, which could lead to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/people-pleasing\/\">people-pleasing<\/a> behaviors. One way to look out for this is when you are making a decision together; those who are engulfed might frequently find themselves saying:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-450 p-3 mb-4 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#eae2f94d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list mb-0\">\n<li>\u201cI don\u2019t mind.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cYou choose.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cWhatever you want, I\u2019m not bothered.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Engulfment trauma results from when engulfment has been going on for a long time. As a result of engulfment trauma, you may lose a sense of self, which could make the types of responses above more prevalent, as you may struggle to know what you want.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you experienced engulfment when you were younger, you might naturally suppress your \u201ctrue\u201d self. This can stem from fears of abandonment for asking for what you want or need, or that people won\u2019t love you if you reveal your \u201ctrue\u201d self. This fear can translate into people-pleasing behaviors and presenting the side of yourself that you think your partner wants to see, increasing the risk of engulfment in your relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-3 col-md-4 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\"><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\r\n<img decoding=\"async\" id=\"block_f2dc7a4a2329001cdad11797be9e637d\" class=\"d-md-inline-block d-none\" alt=\"\"\r\n     src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1631.png\"\r\n     style=\"max-width:180px;position: absolute; top:rem; bottom:10rem; left:rem; right:0rem; z-index: -1;\">\r\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-3 col-md-4 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\"><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">Signs That You\u2019re Engulfing Your Partner<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re an anxious or disorganized attacher, you may find yourself attempting to engulf your partner. This can happen due to a fear of abandonment and not being good enough for the person to wish to stay in the relationship for the long-term. In such instances, engulfment can serve as a way to lock a partner down, which can help reassure us that they\u2019re not going anywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Common signs that you\u2019re engulfing your partner are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-650 p-3 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#eae2f94d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p><strong>Feeling responsible for your partner\u2019s emotions:<\/strong> The person being engulfed will often become dependent on their partner. If you\u2019re the engulfer, this can lead to you feeling responsible for their emotions.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Fear of abandonment:<\/strong> If you notice a fear of abandonment in yourself, this could be (but is not always) a sign of enmeshment. Particularly if you\u2019re anxiously attached, a fear of abandonment could lead you to attempt to engulf your partner in order to stop them from leaving.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Only feeling worthy when someone else depends on you:<\/strong> Two of the main causes of engulfment are feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem. While engulfment can have many negative consequences, it may also occasionally feel good for the engulfer, as your partner\u2019s dependence on you can make you feel important or relied upon.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-8 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-sm has-text-color\" style=\"color:#604c8d\">The Effects of Engulfment on Individuals<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The effects of engulfment can differ depending on your attachment style. For example, engulfment may initially provide an anxiously attached person with reassurance if their partner is dependent on them, they may feel like they\u2019re less likely to abandon them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, this positive feeling is typically short-lived. This intense dependence on one another can cause a sense of suffocation and unhappiness as you both lose a sense of your own identity and struggle to know what you want. You may also feel guilty for wanting to do anything without your partner and resentful of the dependence, which can cause unhappiness in the long run.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mb-md-3 mb-0\">For an avoidant attacher, engulfment may feel frightening, threatening, or even traumatic. Avoidant attachers are less likely to become engulfed for this reason, as they may avoid relationships when their partner attempts to engulf them.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-3 col-md-4 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\"><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-4 col-md-5 col-sm-8 col-10 mb-md-0 mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full mb-0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"580\" height=\"733\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1.webp\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-35172\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1.webp 580w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1-237x300.webp 237w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1-150x190.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1-396x500.webp 396w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1-400x506.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1-247x312.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-327-1-87x110.webp 87w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 580px) 100vw, 580px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group  col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-lg has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">Examples of Engulfment<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">Engulfment in the anxious caregiver-child relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>A mother with an anxious attachment style may worry excessively about her child. As a result, she might watch over her child carefully, noticing their every move and trying to prevent them from hurting themselves or getting into danger. This overparenting can increase the child\u2019s anxiety levels, causing them to believe that the world is unsafe and become overly dependent on their mother to provide safety and reassurance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">Engulfment in the critical caregiver-child relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>A critical mother who experienced punitive caregiving from her parents may watch her child\u2019s actions very closely, directing them to do everything a certain way. If her child doesn\u2019t meet these expectations, she takes over and does it for them instead of helping them to learn how to do it. This often causes the child to become dependent on their critical mother and develop inner beliefs that they\u2019re \u201cnot good enough\u201d and incapable of doing anything correctly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">Engulfment in a romantic relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This might arise from a situation such as relocating to move in with your partner. When you move, you leave your friends and family behind and don\u2019t know anyone other than your partner where you now live. You used to do your hobbies and interests with your friends, so all of a sudden, you stop doing these, too. It feels like you and your partner do everything together, and you\u2019re not sure what you enjoy doing anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">Engulfment as an adult carer<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This form of engulfment could result from caring for a caregiver who has recently fallen ill. They need a lot of support, requiring constant care, so you begin to notice that you have less time to see your friends and have less \u201cme time.\u201d As your caring role increases, you may be unable to go to work or do anything besides your caring duties.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-900 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center mb-4 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">How to Break Free From Engulfment<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">When you\u2019re in the midst of engulfment in your relationship, it may feel like there\u2019s no way out. But don\u2019t fret\u2013below, we explore 5 ways to break free from engulfment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around  justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">1. Get to Know Your Attachment Style<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When we understand our early attachment experiences and how they influence our daily thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can begin to address and change these.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re anxiously attached, think about your fear of abandonment. Where does it come from? How does this feed into your current relationships?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re avoidantly attached, consider your fear of intimacy and dependence. What early experiences do this relate to? And how is it preventing you from experiencing healthy intimacy now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">2. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether you\u2019re the engulfer or the one being engulfed, communication is a vital step to break free from engulfment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re the engulfer, tell your partner your fears. Communicating can automatically make you less likely to act on these worries, which can reduce your drive to engulf.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re the person being engulfed, communicate how you feel with your partner. As fear of abandonment is often deep-rooted in our early experiences, your partner may not be aware that they\u2019re craving engulfment. To do this, use \u201cI\u201d statements, such as \u201cI feel that I have become dependent on you\u201d or \u201cI feel guilty for doing anything by myself.\u201d This reduces blaming, which can make your partner less likely to feel hurt or defensive.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-xl-2 col-md-3 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full mb-0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"322\" height=\"392\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1633.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-35178\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1633.png 322w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1633-246x300.png 246w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1633-150x183.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1633-247x301.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1633-90x110.png 90w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 322px) 100vw, 322px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around  justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-xl-2 col-md-3 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\"><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">3. Begin Doing Things Just For You<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Engulfment can reduce your independence, making you less likely to do things just for you. If you\u2019ve experienced engulfment for a long time, you might not know what you want to do or what you like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, taking small steps to do things just for you can help you break free from engulfment. Start by reconnecting with hobbies and activities you used to be interested in, even if it&#8217;s been a long time since you did these. Then, consider journaling as a way to get back in touch with your feelings and interests. You could jot down what brought you joy each day, what interested you, and what activities made you feel more alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But remember, regaining your independence after engulfment can be a slow process, so be patient with yourself. Remember to celebrate the small wins as you go along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">4. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Boundaries are an important part of being independent and having our needs met in a relationship. Therefore, to overcome engulfment in your relationship, you need to establish boundaries.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some examples of healthy boundaries to break free from engulfment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-500 p-3 mb-4 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#eae2f94d\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list mb-0\">\n<li>Time to pursue your own interests<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Personal space<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Open communication<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Occasionally seeing friends on your own<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Independence to pursue hobbies and interests<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s important to note that these are just examples. Boundaries look different for everyone, so consider what\u2019s important to you and communicate your boundaries with your partner.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 mb-5 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row justify-content-md-around justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-3 has-text-color\" style=\"color:#513d62\">5. Heal from Engulfment Trauma in Therapy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Therapy can help us to understand how our early experiences can feed into our current thoughts and behaviors. While you can explore this on your own, a therapist will help you to uncover the experiences and emotions that sit outside of your conscious awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A healthy relationship with your therapist can also give you an idea of what healthy boundaries look like\u2013a lesson you can use in your other relationships.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-lg-3 col-md-4 d-md-block d-none\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\"><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-100 py-5 mb-4 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#eae2f966\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1200 position-relative\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group row  justify-content-center align-items-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-ad2f72ca wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-xl-3 col-lg-4 col-md-5 col-sm-8 col-10 mb-md-0 mb-4\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full mb-0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"487\" height=\"802\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-35207\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1.png 487w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-182x300.png 182w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-455x750.png 455w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-150x247.png 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-304x500.png 304w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-400x659.png 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-247x407.png 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Group-1145-2-1-67x110.png 67w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 487px) 100vw, 487px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group col-md-7 col-sm-10 col-12\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading mb-4 header-with-line-lg has-text-color\" style=\"color:#917dbf\">Final Words on Engulfment and Attachment Theory<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Engulfment can leave us feeling dependent, vulnerable, and like we don\u2019t know who we are anymore. However, you may be at a lower risk of engulfment, depending on your attachment style.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Using what we know about attachment styles and the limited research that exists on engulfment, we can deduce that those with an anxious attachment style may be more at risk of engulfment in later relationships. In contrast, avoidant attachers are typically less likely to experience engulfment because of a fear of intimacy and dependence.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"mb-md-3 mb-0\">Whether you\u2019re the engulfer or the person being engulfed, this intense immersement can have a big impact on your thoughts, feelings, and self-esteem. But there\u2019s a way out: Through getting to know your attachment style, communicating openly and honestly, beginning to do things just for you, setting boundaries, and through therapy, you can break free from engulfment.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group mw-1100\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"block-wrapper py-4 \" id=\"block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31\" style=\" max-width: px;\">\n    <div class=\"d-flex justify-content-center\">\n        <button class=\"references-btn\" type=\"button\" data-toggle=\"collapse\"\n                data-target=\"#block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31-references-collapse\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31-references-collapse\">\n            References\n        <\/button>\n    <\/div>\n    <div class=\"references-text collapse mt-3\" id=\"block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31-references-collapse\">\n        <p style=\"text-align: center;\">Jacobson, S. (2023, March 8). What is Engulfment? When Relationships Become Your Everything. Harley Therapy.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Kirkpatrick, L. A., &amp; Davis, K. E. (1994). Attachment style, gender, and relationship stability: a longitudinal analysis. Journal of personality and social psychology, 66(3), 502\u2013512.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Kivisto, A. J. (2014). Abandonment and engulfment: A bimodal classification of anxiety in domestic violence perpetrators. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 19(3), 200\u2013206.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Lacocque P. E. (1984). Fear of engulfment and the problem of identity. Journal of religion and health, 23(3), 218\u2013228.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Skaff, M. M., &amp; Pearlin, L. I. (1992). Caregiving: role engulfment and the loss of self. Gerontologist, 32(5), 656\u2013664.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Tanasugarn, A. (2021, January 26). Shedding Light on the Disorganized Attachment Style. The Good Men Project.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Vituli\u0107, H. S., Gosar, D., &amp; Prosen, S. (2022). Attachment and family functioning across three generations. Family Process, 62(2), 775-794.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Zimberoff, D., &amp; Hartman, D. (2002). Attachment, detachment, nonattachment: Achieving synthesis. Journal of Heart Centered Therapies, 5, 3-94.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u017dvelc, G. (2010). Object relations and attachment styles in adulthood. Psiholo\u0161ka obzorja, 19(1), 5-18.<\/p>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<style>\n    #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31 p, #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31 li, a{\n        color:;\n    }\n\n    #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31 ul li, #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31 ol li {\n        margin-bottom: 10px;\n    }\n\n    #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31 ul li:last-child {\n        margin-bottom: 0;\n    }\n\n    #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31    .references-btn {\n        color: #333840;\n        background: #c3aef0 !important;\n        border-radius: 15px !important;\n        font-family: \"Family\", sans-serif;\n        font-size: 30px !important;\n        padding:  0px 28px!important;\n        font-weight: 700 !important;\n        height: 52px;\n        display: flex;\n        align-items: center;\n    }\n\n    #block_f591cdbdf1e2921a5d3271ca1b046f31    .references-btn:focus {\n        border:none;\n        outline: 0;\n    }\n<\/style><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever gotten 6 months into a relationship before realizing you\u2019ve not made as much effort to see your friends as you used to? Or that you\u2019ve stopped doing a hobby you previously loved? If this sounds familiar, you could have experienced engulfment: When you become so immersed in a relationship that you lose [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"parent":23224,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-35117","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Engulfment and Attachment Styles - Attachment Project<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Engulfment can happen to any of us, but research suggests some of us may be more at risk than others, depending on our attachment style.\u00a0\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/engulfment\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Engulfment and Attachment Styles - 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