{"id":18823,"date":"2022-07-04T09:26:17","date_gmt":"2022-07-04T07:26:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/?page_id=18823"},"modified":"2026-01-12T17:32:14","modified_gmt":"2026-01-12T15:32:14","slug":"dating","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/avoidant-attachment-relationships\/dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating Someone With Avoidant Attachment"},"content":{"rendered":"<style>\r\n    h1{\r\n        font-size: 48px!important;\r\n    }\r\n\r\n    #gutenberg-content #text_imageblock_97b3f3c3ca800bf36e2ae7c93ea1c7b2 h1, #gutenberg-content #text_imageblock_97b3f3c3ca800bf36e2ae7c93ea1c7b2 h2, #gutenberg-content #text_imageblock_97b3f3c3ca800bf36e2ae7c93ea1c7b2 h3,\r\n    #gutenberg-content #text_imageblock_97b3f3c3ca800bf36e2ae7c93ea1c7b2 h4 {\r\n        letter-spacing: 0.02em;\r\n        color: #513D62;\r\n        font-weight: 700;\r\n        line-height: 1.3;\r\n        margin-bottom: 23px;\r\n    }\r\n\r\n    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styles\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1707\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-scaled.webp 2560w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-1024x683.webp 1024w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-768x512.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-1536x1024.webp 1536w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-2048x1365.webp 2048w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-2000x1333.webp 2000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-1500x1000.webp 1500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-1000x667.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-800x533.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-750x500.webp 750w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-617x411.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-600x400.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-150x100.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-500x333.webp 500w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-400x267.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-247x165.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/jovens-de-tiro-medio-com-smartphone-110x73.webp 110w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dating someone with avoidant attachment can be undeniably complicated.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For instance, let\u2019s say you\u2019ve just started seeing someone new: the dates are flirty, the texts are frequent, and the conversations are electric. You\u2019re just beginning to allow yourself to imagine \u201cWhat if?\u201d with this person when suddenly, you get the feeling that something isn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps they start to come up with flimsy excuses to cancel dates, and their texts are brief, detached responses. After what may have felt like a magnetic early connection, you now feel anxious, confused, and yearning for the other person\u2019s attention.<\/p>\n<p>If these scenarios sound familiar, you likely are \u2013 or may have been \u2013 <strong>dating someone with an avoidant attachment style<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h2>Avoidant Attachment in Relationships<\/h2>\n<p>We all have an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/four-attachment-styles\/\">attachment style<\/a> that affects how we behave in the relationships in our lives. Yet, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/avoidant-attachment-style\/\">avoidant attachment style<\/a> is characterized by a significant fear of intimacy. For this reason, avoidant attachers usually prefer to avoid situations in which they are expected to be open and vulnerable.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"color: #fff!important; background-color: #604c8d!important; border-radius: 10px; text-decoration: none; font-weight: bold; font-size: 20px; display: inline-block; padding: 12px 20px;\" href=\"https:\/\/quiz.attachmentproject.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">DISCOVER YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE<\/a><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not that they don\u2019t want loving relationships \u2013 it\u2019s just that it\u2019s difficult for them to give themselves over to love. To protect themselves from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/rejection-sensitivity-dysphoria\/\">feelings of rejection<\/a>, an avoidant attacher will create strict physical and emotional boundaries. What\u2019s more, they\u2019re prone to pulling away from a relationship when they perceive that these parameters are crossed.<\/p>\n<p>This defensive strategy is designed to shut down their innate desire for love and connection, which ultimately makes it difficult for a romantic partner to understand <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/avoidant-attachment-relationships\/\">how to love and support someone with an avoidant attachment style<\/a> in the way they need.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, as Leonard Cohen once said: \u201cThere is a crack in everything. That\u2019s how the light gets in.\u201d So, despite an avoidant attachers\u2019 resistance to intimacy, it\u2019s entirely possible for them to develop more secure actions in relationships with understanding, effort and consistency.<\/p>\n<h3>What Causes an Avoidant Attachment Style?<\/h3>\n<p>According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-theory\/\">Bowlby\u2019s Attachment Theory<\/a>, an avoidant attacher\u2019s particular cycle of thoughts and behaviors stems from childhood.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-40723\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern.webp\" alt=\"The Avoidant Push-Pull Pattern\" width=\"550\" height=\"686\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern.webp 1152w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-241x300.webp 241w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-821x1024.webp 821w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-768x958.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-802x1000.webp 802w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-800x998.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-601x750.webp 601w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-617x770.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-600x748.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-150x187.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-1000x1247.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-401x500.webp 401w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-400x499.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-247x308.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/The-Avoidant_s-Push-Pull-Pattern-88x110.webp 88w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Essentially, an attachment style is someone\u2019s specific way of relating to other people based on how they bonded with their caregivers during their formative period (typically the first eighteen months of life). There are four different attachment styles: one secure and three insecure (avoidant, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/anxious-attachment\/\">anxious<\/a>, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/disorganized-attachment\/\">disorganized<\/a>).<\/p>\n<p>When caregivers are attuned and responsive to their child\u2019s cues, a child typically feels safe, supported, and loved. The child trusts that their caregivers will be there for them when needed \u2013 so they develop a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/secure-attachment\/\">secure attachment style<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>In contrast, an avoidant attachment style develops when a child perceives that their caregivers repeatedly reject their need for closeness and affection.<\/p>\n<p>These caregivers may not intentionally reject their child\u2019s needs, but they may be misattuned to their cues \u2013 meaning that the child sees their needs as being infrequently met.<\/p>\n<p>Initially, the child may persist in expressing their desire for intimacy and affection, but they perceive that their requests are repeatedly rejected. This perception usually results in the child shutting down their attachment system and fostering a premature sense of independence and self-reliance.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s more, once an attachment style is established, it tends to be stable throughout life and can impact how people behave in all types of relationships (but this doesn\u2019t mean it can\u2019t be changed!).<\/p>\n<h3>The Traits of Avoidant Attachment In Adulthood<\/h3>\n<p>Adult avoidant attachers developed strategies to protect themselves from potential rejection or hurt \u2013 such as putting up emotional barriers to push a potential romantic partner away and prevent the possibility of being spurned first.<\/p>\n<p>Essentially, they choose the flight mode of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/psychology\/trauma-response-types\/\">fight or flight response<\/a>. However, this isn\u2019t to suggest that someone with an avoidant attachment style doesn\u2019t crave love \u2013 they do. They\u2019ve just been taught from an early age that the people they love will disappoint them. Unfortunately, avoidant attachers\u2019 actions often leave potential romantic partners feeling confused, frustrated, and disappointed.<\/p>\n<p>In the end, these potential partners often feel like they have no choice but to move on from the relationship, reinforcing the avoidant attacher\u2019s belief that those they care about will leave them.<\/p>\n<h2>7 Signs You Are Dating an Avoidant Attacher<\/h2>\n<p>Peoples\u2019 life experiences often continue to influence their attachment styles as they develop, but there are still certain behaviors to be mindful of if you\u2019re looking for <strong>signs you\u2019re dating an avoidant attacher<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-40720\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance.webp\" alt=\"7 Signs You are Dating Someone with Attachment Avoidance\" width=\"550\" height=\"686\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance.webp 1152w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-241x300.webp 241w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-821x1024.webp 821w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-768x958.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-802x1000.webp 802w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-800x998.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-601x750.webp 601w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-617x770.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-600x748.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-150x187.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-1000x1247.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-401x500.webp 401w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-400x499.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-247x308.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/7-Signs-You_re-Dating-Someone-with-Attachment-Avoidance-88x110.webp 88w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\" \/><\/h2>\n<p>Bear in mind: attachment styles tend to work on a spectrum, so you may find that the person you\u2019re dating has only a couple of the following avoidant traits \u2013 or, alternatively, you might find that they have them all.<\/p>\n<div style=\"background-color: #e3f7ff; padding: 20px;\">\n<p>In a romantic relationship, someone with an avoidant attachment style may:<\/p>\n<h3>I. Withdraw from intimacy<\/h3>\n<p>Avoidant attachers have an innate desire to be loved and supported \u2013 just like everyone else. However, their childhood template for relationships taught them that they would be rejected for expressing their desire for affection. Thus, avoidant attachers\u2019 are typically triggered by intimacy \u2013 they\u2019re uncomfortable with being dependent on others because it exposes them to the risk of rejection.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"color: #fff!important; background-color: #604c8d!important; border-radius: 10px; text-decoration: none; font-weight: bold; font-size: 20px; display: inline-block; padding: 12px 20px;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/personal-courses\/dating-toolkit\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">START YOUR HEALTHY DATING JOURNEY<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>For this reason, if you\u2019re <strong>dating an avoidant<\/strong>, you might find that they pull away from your attempts at emotional closeness. They\u2019re likely not doing so because of a lack of interest, but because their attachment system has been activated.<\/p>\n<h3>II. Feel uncomfortable with commitment<\/h3>\n<p>If your partner steers clear of making long-term plans or avoids discussing the potential future of your relationship, you may be dating an avoidant attacher. For example, if you wish to make vacation plans, ask them to meet your family, or propose any activity that could potentially bring you closer, they may shut down and withdraw from the conversation. What\u2019s more, they may have a history of being the one who repeatedly ends relationships, as avoidant attachers are more likely to instigate <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/attachment-style-and-breakup\/\">breakups<\/a>. Learning to distinguish between temporary withdrawal and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/love\/signs-avoidant-is-done-with-you\/\">signs they&#8217;re done with the relationship<\/a> is crucial for navigating these relationships.<\/p>\n<h3>III. Dislike emotional expression<\/h3>\n<p>Studies have shown that avoidant attachers tend to use distancing tactics to avoid dealing with their partners\u2019 distress or upset. Therefore, if you are <em>dating an avoidant attacher<\/em>, you may find that they steer clear of conflict, or prefer to use passive-aggressive strategies to respond to your expressions of anger or upset.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, it\u2019s not just in arguments that avoidant attachers prefer to distance themselves. They also may do so in general conversations where you express frustration with factors outside of your personal relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Your avoidant partner\u2019s actions may feel like disinterest in the relationship, but in actuality, it may be that they&#8217;re conditioned by their childhood to avoid expressions of strong emotions.<\/p>\n<h3>IV. Act fiercely independent<\/h3>\n<p>Studies have shown that people high in attachment avoidance are less willing than others to depend on their partners. What\u2019s more, they also dislike their partners being overly dependent on them. This finding is likely due to the avoidant\u2019s perception that expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. After all, as a child, expressing emotions and needs was frowned upon.<\/p>\n<p>For this reason, if you find that your partner rarely asks for support, becomes uncomfortable when you require it, acts cold and aloof, or becomes annoyed when you thank them for doing you a favor \u2013 you may be dating someone with avoidant attachment.<\/p>\n<h3>V. Be misattuned to their own and their partners\u2019 emotions<\/h3>\n<p>Since many of an avoidant attacher\u2019s issues happened before they could express their needs verbally, they often struggle to put a name to how they feel. For this reason, avoidant attachers are often wide of the mark when attempting to identify their own or their partners\u2019 emotions.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s more, this difficulty pinpointing emotions is exacerbated by stress or conflict \u2013 so an avoidant attacher may especially struggle to pick up on your feelings during or after an argument. Therefore, if you feel like your partner has difficulty interpreting what you say\/how you act, they may have an avoidant attachment style.<\/p>\n<h3>VI. Sabotage the relationship<\/h3>\n<p>Avoidant attachers may be prone to sabotaging their healthy relationships. Their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/early-maladaptive-schemas\/mistrust-abuse\/\">mistrust<\/a> of their partners\u2019 intentions, combined with their fear of intimacy, can sometimes lead to them subconsciously behave in a way that pushes their partners away.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-40724\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way.webp\" alt=\"Why Avoidants Behave This Way in Relationships\" width=\"550\" height=\"686\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way.webp 1152w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-241x300.webp 241w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-821x1024.webp 821w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-768x958.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-802x1000.webp 802w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-800x998.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-601x750.webp 601w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-617x770.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-600x748.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-150x187.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-1000x1247.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-401x500.webp 401w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-400x499.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-247x308.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Why-Avoidants-Behave-This-Way-88x110.webp 88w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>The more emotionally close their partner tries to get, the more the avoidant attacher usually withdraws from the relationship, attempts to find faults in their partner, or acts sullen, cold, or childish.<\/p>\n<h3>VII. Romanticize past relationships<\/h3>\n<p>Interestingly, despite avoidant attachers being more likely to instigate a breakup, they may also sometimes wonder \u201cwhat if?\u201d about their previous partners. This form of thinking may be because someone with an avoidant attachment style is often triggered to end a relationship when it progresses past a surface-level connection \u2013 not necessarily because both individuals weren\u2019t compatible.<\/p>\n<p>Furthermore, because avoidant attachers typically push down their emotions after a breakup, they may not realize that they still have feelings for their ex until considerable time has passed. Unfortunately, unresolved sentiments may mean that they are less emotionally involved in their current relationship.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<h2>How to Date Someone With Avoidant Attachment Style<\/h2>\n<p>Despite popular opinion, it\u2019s entirely possible to have a satisfying, fulfilling relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style. Although we stated earlier that attachment styles are stable, they are not a life sentence. Your avoidant partner can become more secure in their actions.<\/p>\n<p>However, many people who find themselves dating an avoidant attacher and desire more security within the relationship may fall into the trap of thinking, \u201cHow can I make an avoidant love me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We want to assure you that it\u2019s not your fault if your partner is emotionally closed off. It\u2019s their responsibility to understand and work on their thoughts and behaviors within the relationship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Still, there are steps you can take to support them on their journey towards a more secure attachment style:<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3>Step #1: Take your own attachment style into account<\/h3>\n<p>Avoidant attachers are technically more compatible with certain attachment styles over others. For example, a secure attacher\u2019s positive outlook on themselves and others means they are capable of meeting the needs of an avoidant attacher without necessarily compromising their own. Furthermore, their ability to regulate emotions healthily and respect for personal space means they may be able to help an avoidant attacher open up emotionally.<\/p>\n<p>Interestingly, avoidant attachers are also pretty compatible with similarly avoidant partners. This effect may be due to the likelihood that they both prefer emotional distance and would respect each others\u2019 needs and boundaries. However, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/blog\/avoidant-attachment-triggers\/\">avoidants\u2019 attachment traits could be triggered<\/a> by an anxious or disorganized attacher\u2019s desire for intimacy and affection. Yet, this isn\u2019t to suggest that a relationship is doomed due to the individuals involved attachment styles. With enough knowledge, understanding, and love, it\u2019s possible to make the relationship work.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t yet know your attachment style, you can <a href=\"https:\/\/quiz.attachmentproject.com\">take our free attachment quiz<\/a> and receive a profile outlining your personal attachment style and a brief description of its typical traits.<\/p>\n<h3>Step #2: Communicate your concerns calmly<\/h3>\n<p>Sometimes, dating an avoidant attacher may feel like you\u2019re both speaking different languages. Whereas you may be driven to discuss your concerns or issues with the relationship, an avoidant attacher is more likely to try to sweep them under the rug.<\/p>\n<p>You may find it helpful to instigate a discussion about your relationship in a calm, yet assertive manner, as avoidant attachers generally struggle to communicate how they\u2019re feeling under duress.<\/p>\n<h3>Step #3: Allow them to take personal space when they need it<\/h3>\n<p>Avoidant attachers are prone to feeling overwhelmed by too much shared time with a partner \u2013 especially during or after intense emotional incidents. Although it may be difficult for you to do so at times, try to remember that taking time out is an effective deescalating strategy for someone with an avoidant attachment style.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"color: #fff!important; background-color: #604c8d!important; border-radius: 10px; text-decoration: none; font-weight: bold; font-size: 20px; display: inline-block; padding: 12px 20px;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/personal-courses\/attachment-repair-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">START YOUR ATTACHMENT HEALING JOURNEY<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>In all likelihood, with time and patience, your avoidant partner may not need to take as much personal space.<\/p>\n<h3>Step #4: Remind them that you do things for them because you want to<\/h3>\n<p>Avoidant attachers are highly independent, so they often frown upon others\u2019 attempts to do kind things for them. This reaction may be due to thinking they\u2019ll be perceived as weak or that they\u2019re risking being abandoned. Of course, within a relationship, most people like to make thoughtful gestures for their partners because they want to. After all, we tend to be especially altruistic towards the people we care about.<\/p>\n<p>Keep your partner\u2019s attitude towards these gestures in mind whenever you wish to do something nice for them. Try not to remind them of favors you\u2019ve done for them in the past, don\u2019t overinflate your kindness, and avoid poking fun at them for accepting your gestures. Doing so may be hard at times, but your partner may feel more secure about your intentions over time.<\/p>\n<h3>Step #5: Try active dates instead of sedentary ones<\/h3>\n<p>Avoidant attachers are prone to overthinking and overanalyzing a situation. Therefore, sedentary dates such as the cinema may provide too many opportunities to pick fault with the situation or relationship. Alternatively, active dates such as hiking, running, or sports you can both learn and bond over may help both partners relax and stay in the moment. Moreover, an avoidant partner may feel like the attention isn\u2019t focused so much on them during an active date. So they might feel more relaxed and less triggered by intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-40730\" src=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1.webp\" alt=\"Self-Care While Dating an Avoidant\" width=\"550\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1.webp 1152w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-275x300.webp 275w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-938x1024.webp 938w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-768x838.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-916x1000.webp 916w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-800x873.webp 800w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-687x750.webp 687w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-617x673.webp 617w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-600x655.webp 600w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-150x164.webp 150w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-1000x1091.webp 1000w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-458x500.webp 458w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-400x436.webp 400w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-247x270.webp 247w, https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/Self-Care-While-Dating-an-Avoidant-1-101x110.webp 101w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Of course, this isn\u2019t a long-term strategy \u2013 but it may help during times when your partner\u2019s attachment traits are especially triggered.<\/p>\n<h3>Step #6: Look after your own needs too<\/h3>\n<p>It\u2019s important not to lose sight of the fact that you are a unique individual with your own important desires and wants when you\u2019re dating someone with an avoidant attachment. Therefore, to avoid losing your sense of identity, you should also focus on independent self-care activities.<\/p>\n<p>These activities could involve spending time with family, engaging in a hobby, or developing a skill set \u2013 the critical factor is that they make you feel like the best version of you.<\/p>\n<h3>Step #7: Encourage them to try therapy<\/h3>\n<p>Therapy is an excellent way of helping an avoidant attacher understand and process their triggers within a relationship. Although they may not be comfortable with couples therapy (yet) \u2013 they may blossom during one-to-one counseling with an attachment specialist and figure out ways of dealing with their emotions in ways that won\u2019t damage themself, you, or the relationship.<\/p>\n<h2>Final Thoughts on Dating Someone With an Avoidant Attachment Style<\/h2>\n<p>Although it may often feel frustrating to date someone with an avoidant attachment style, it\u2019s important to remember that attachment styles are not necessarily \u201cfixed\u201d or permanent if the individual is willing to put the effort into positive change. Avoidant attachers can develop \u201clearned\u201d secure attachment by identifying their irrational thoughts about themselves and relationships, and they could change their attachment-related behaviors as a result.<\/p>\n<p>Having said as much, it\u2019s just as important \u2013 if not more \u2013 to take care of your own mental health. If you are experiencing prolonged distress or upset from catering to someone else&#8217;s needs in a relationship, or feeling like you\u2019re not getting your own met \u2013 then it\u2019s important to take early steps towards repairing this hurt. Our guide for choosing a mental health practitioner and how to practice emotional hygiene may help.<\/p>\n<div style=\"background-color: #e3f7ff; padding: 20px;\">\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\">Curious to learn more about the avoidant attachment style?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Get the digital <em>Avoidant Attachment Style Workbook<\/em> to gain a deeper understanding of\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>how the avoidant attachment style developed<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>how it influences different aspects of daily life, such as self-image, romantic relationships, sexual life, friendships, career, and parenting skills<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>how avoidant attachers can use their superpowers associated with their attachment style<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>how avoidant attachers can begin cultivating a secure attachment<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>and more\u2026<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"background-color: rgba(80,153,225,0.15); color: #513d62; padding: 10px 20px; text-decoration: none; border-radius: 5px; font-weight: bold; cursor: pointer;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.attachmentproject.com\/avoidant-attachment-workbook\/\">View Workbook<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<h2>References<\/h2>\n<blockquote><p>Bowlby, J. (1969). <em>Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment.<\/em> New York, NY: Basic Books.<\/p>\n<p>Hazan, C., &amp; Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52<\/em>(3), 511\u2013524.<\/p>\n<p>Marshall, T.C., Bejanyan, K., Ferenczi, N. (2013). Attachment Styles and Personal Growth following Romantic Breakups: The Mediating Roles of Distress, Rumination, and Tendency to Rebound. <em>PLoS ONE, 8<\/em>(9), e75161.<\/p>\n<p>Schumann, K., &amp; Orehek, E. (2019). Avoidant and defensive: Adult attachment and quality of apologies. <em>Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36<\/em>(3), 809-833.<\/p>\n<p>Simpson, J. A., &amp; Steven Rholes, W. (2017). Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 19\u201324.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n            <\/div>\r\n        <\/div>\r\n            <\/div>\r\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":17527,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-v2.php","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-18823","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dating Someone With Avoidant Attachment: Signs &amp; Tips<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learn how to date someone with avoidant attachment style. 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